26 hilarious tracks

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just to post some bad news….

someone stole my laptop, ugh. what kind of shitty ass person does that.

there goes all my personal porn….now i’m gonna have to find new hoes to make some more.

my first tv appearance…i was very nervous

i use to live in san francisco on pine and gough near the tenderloin district.  so if you’ve never been to san francisco, the tenderloin district is a bit seedy and full of bumbs and prostitutes…..so naturally that was my old stomping grounds.

there are a ton of cool dive bars in that area, and one night after having a couple drinks, me and my friends walk to another bar, but along the way, we ran into a hooker.  here’s how the conversation went:

ME: how’s it going

HOOKER: good baby, wanna date

ME: hmmmm, maybe….your not a man, are you? (to justify this question, there are a ton of transvestites in the area)

HOOKER: nah baby, would a man have these (squeezing her breasts and pulling down her dress just enough to see some of the areola)….so how bout it

ME: wow, i don’t know, i have to see whats up with my friends.  maybe ill see you later.

HOOKER: baby i won’t be around later, i promise it’ll be the time of your life

—–at this point, she is now walking with us to the next bar.  most of my friends are short and she was a tall attractive blonde (and yes, the transvestites in sf can be very convincing, hence the question earlier) it looked like we were hobbits and she was the great wizard WhoreDalf

HOOKER: come on baby, i promise you’ll love it

ME: (feeling awkardly pressured and intrigued) hey, i bet its hard to walk in those heels

HOOKER: im used to it, plus i’m not really on my feet that much

(working girl humor…..get it!!!!, we are now at the next bar and my friends are bored with the princess and goes in, i on the other hand stay outside to talk to her….what can i say, im dirty)

ME: so i think i’m gonna head in

HOOKER: why don’t you just wait til i smoke a cigarette.  it’ll only be a sec

ME: uh, sure

HOOKER: so you live around here

ME: (i don’t know why i felt like i needed to lie, but i did) no, i live in the marina (its the yuppy part of SF.  really….did i just lie to try and impress a hooker…i the worst)

HOOKER: wow, thats nice, i’ve been there a couple times (even yuppies need dirty blowjobs)

ME: (trying to change the subject, i see a garbage guy doing late night pick ups) wow, that must be a tough job

HOOKER: (without even hesitating one second) I KNOW, I KNOW….I’D HATE TO HAVE HIS JOB, THAT MUST REALLY SUCK!!!!!!

ME: (as my mind was completely blown to how delusional she was to how shitty her job was….) i knowwwwww, could you imagine just being around filth at strange hours of the night

HOOKER: (not getting my sarcasm) i know, so sad.  so honey, i don’t have alot of time.  a blowjob is 50, full service is 100, half and half is 120.  if you have an extra 40, you can finish on my face

ME: (shocked once again, but i think more so about the pricing….im cheap what can i say) aaahhhh, i think im good.  im gonna go in, be safe

—-so i guess the moral of that story is, no matter how shitty your life may be, there’s always someone else’s who’s much worse…….or too much jizz on the face causes brain damage

so it looks like my youtube page has been shut down, ill try to get it back up and running.

if not, ill be starting a new one….with new videos.  thanks.

kevin

student at albright made this poster of me…..I wonder if I glow in the dark

I ask for feta cheese on gyro at peteys gyros in valpo, IN….and this is what I got

a huge bar of cheese…very odd

i can’t believe im saying this, but i love being home in LA in my apartment doing nothing.  there is nothing like being in your own mess.

that is all…